Musing / Analysis: Winter Blows

Winter blows.

If you’re one of these people that claims to love cold weather – you’re either (a) lying, (b) an Eskimo or (c) stop it.

Winter is not good.

Here is a exclusive list of 10 reasons why Winter sucks:

  1. Coldness. Winter air is cold. Wind makes it worse. This requires either (a) wearing a lot of clothes or (b) suffering. Neither is satisfactory.
  2. My dog still needs to defecate outside, even though it’s cold. My dog’s digestive schedule, bowel movements and exercise needs are not abated by the cold. Therefore I still have to go outside during the winter to see to them, no matter how cold it is. See #1.
  3. Darkness & Fear. The shortest days of the year are in winter. Any darkness that occurs prior to 6pm is terrifying.
  4. All aspects of life continue in winter. Winter would be awesome if we all acted like bears. If we all agreed to stay inside and sleep, hang out on the sofa, and chill the eff out – Winter might be pretty cool. But we do not act like bears. Nor do we chill out. For much of the season we actually go at a faster pace.
  5. Cars. Cars are extremely cold in winter – because they are stored outside. This makes them (a) less comfortable to sit in, and (b) less reliable from a performance perspective.
  6. Guilt. In the summer, there is not an overwhelming immediate need to feel sorry for homeless people or stray pets. In the warm weather months, the weather is not the primary concern of these populations (the underlying cause of their homelessness is- for example drug addiction, mental illness, etc…). In the winter, however, the difficulty of such an existence is extremely obvious (and more extreme).
  7. Homeless People & Stray Animals: See #6 except consider it from their point of view.
  8. Dry skin. In the winter my skin itches badly and flakes like a stale croissant. Please don’t tell me to buy lotion.
  9. Sickness. There’s always something going around and I typically get it. I sometimes don’t get a flu shot – because I’m lazy – and I secretly like, yet suffer through, being incapacitated and feeling near death because it allows me to behave like a bear for a few days and get away with it.
  10. Minnesota. The fact that there are actual human people who choose to live in this kind of environment for 4-5 months out of the year somehow makes the whole thing worse. The simple knowledge of their existence is painful. I assume most of them are bound by circumstance.

Yes, there is beauty in winter and yes, without the dark-cold-death of Winter we couldn’t fully appreciate the liveliness of Spring and buoyancy of Summer.

I get that, I really do. But hidden in that reality is a incontrovertible fact:

Winter blows.

2 thoughts on “Musing / Analysis: Winter Blows”

  1. At the risk of igniting an existential argument I am impelled to share my experience with things that blow. Things that blow get a bad rap. Not just that. Things that blow are absolutely necessary for a rich and full experience of life. Who could really appreciate good health without sickness? Who could treasure having money in the bank without first scrounging for change in the couch? Who could truly enjoy good company without first loneliness? And yes, who could fully enjoy the magic of Spring without the dark-cold-death of Winter? I know you get that bballjones, but in my opinion this point begs for amplification. So… Yin and yang, have and have not, ebb and flow or up and down, how could we know one without the other. And in this respect can Winter really blow? Yesterday I forgot to wear a jacket and I was frigid. When I finally got into bed the blanket was extra warm and snugly.

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