Exclusive Report: Tagalongs >>>>>>> Thin Mints

My mom loved Thin Mints.

Especially frozen Thin Mints – she’d eat them by the sleeve.

With milk.

With Diet Coke.

With whatever.

She’d order 10, 20, 30 boxes. Green boxes. Thin Mints.

Given her bulk order tendencies, the mint-flavored cookie with a chocolaty coating was a staple in our home from February to not as long as you might think because we went through Thin Mints expeditiously in that house.

Consequently, I can put down some Thin Mints.

This guy just ate 2 sleeves of Thin Mints and might need to seek medical attention.
This guy just ate 2 sleeves of Thin Mints and will likely need to seek medical attention.

I’ve had Thin Mint stomach aches.  A Thin Mint stomach ache is characterized by acute abdominal pain accompanied by a wafer-esque minty aroma exuding from the digestive system.

So I basically grew up thinking Thin Mints were the best Girl Scout cookie.

Thin Mints are soooo good. I love Thin Mints. OH MY GOD THE THIN MINTS ARE HERE!!!! Don’t hog all the Thin Mints. Blah blah blah.

In retrospect, I can now see that this Thin Mint worship was at best misguided and at worst the moral equivalent of childhood religious indoctrination.

I was brainwashed into thinking Thin Mints were the best Girl Scout Cookie.

Not true.


Please don’t misunderstand me. Thin Mints are OK. They’re decent. They’re edible. There’s nothing wrong with Thin Mints, per se.

Actually, I take that back. There is one thing wrong with Thin Mints:

The mint part.

I really don’t need or want mint in my cookie.

I want mint in my toothpaste.

I want mint in my air freshener.

I want mint in my breath mint (see how that works?)

Obscured by their popularity is the fact that Thin Mints kind of suck.
Obscured by their popularity is the fact that Thin Mints kind of suck.

But I never really wanted mint in my chocolate cookie.

I just accepted it.

Thin Mints are the highest selling Girl Scout Cookie – accounting for 25% of overall sales.

Still, they’re overrated.

Do you know why they’re overrated? I’ll tell you why.

Tagalongs.

That’s why.


Holy shit – Tagalongs.

Now that – is a serious cookie.

The Tagalong is a man’s cookie. It’s a woman’s cookie.

The Tagalong is a hermaphrodite’s cookie.

What I’m trying to say is The Tagalong is a good cookie. A very good cookie.

The Tagalong is a crispy vanilla cookie layered with peanut butter and covered with a chocolaty coating.

In other words The Tagalong is like a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup, but instead of being a peanut butter cup, it’s a cookie. And instead of having a normal day you’re having the best day of your entire life.

That’s what the Tagalong is all about. The best day of your entire life. 

Goodbye kind of gross mint. Hello peanut butter and bliss.

This is the Tagalong - it's like the Thin MInt except really good instead of merely edible.
This is the Tagalong – it’s like the Thin MInt except really good instead of merely edible.

Today I literally gave away 2 entire boxes of Tagalongs. You know why? Of course you know why. Because if I hadn’t given them away I would have eaten both boxes in one sitting.

Why?

Because Tagalongs. 

That’s why.

If you’re still sticking to the idea that Thin Mints are the best cookie – please stop.

In fact, I’m even willing to say that the Trefoils cookie is better than the Thin Mint.

Trefoils are clearly not as good as the Tagalong – but they’re better than the Thin Mint.


I know what some of you are thinking. You’re thinking:

Gee Jay, I realize you have a different opinion but I really love the Thin Mints. You’re just stating your opinion and it is subjective. Some people don’t like peanut butter. Some people like mint. You’re being ridiculous. To each his / her own.

Well, I respectfully disagree. In the matter of the Thin Mint vs. The Tagalong I don’t think there’s room for personal preference.

For years, the shoe was on the other foot.

Everyone just insisted the Thin Mint was the best.

Well now the tables have turned.

The Tagalong is the best Girl Scout cookie. Deal with it.


(Edit / Update: Some people have responded to this with mention of Samoas. Samoas have coconut in them. Coconut is disgusting. Therefore Samoas are disgusting.)